


1,2,3,4, I Declare a Prank War

by TheFrenchiestLlama



Series: Christmas Fics [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Christmas, Enemies to Friends, Gift Fic, M/M, Marauders' Era, No Smut, One Shot, Young!Remus, Young!Sirius, harmless pranking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-11 23:02:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9038783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFrenchiestLlama/pseuds/TheFrenchiestLlama
Summary: Sirius is bummed out when he learns that he'll be spending Christmas at Hogwarts with James' friend Remus. Little do either of them know, by the end of break they'll be closer than either thought possible.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sam Hubenet](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Sam+Hubenet).



Sirius was extremely excited to be staying at Hogwarts for Christmas. At least, he was excited to stay any place other than at home.

It had taken a lot of deliberation before he’d decided to stay. He felt extremely guilty about leaving Regulus at home to suffer the rest of the family alone (Sirius’ little brother was the only thing that could make him come home). He knew deep down that he was being selfish, but his desire to spend just one Christmas away from home won out over his shame.

James had begged his parents to let his recently acquired best friend come over during Christmas, but it was no good. James claimed that they said they didn’t want him over because they didn’t know him very well yet. However, Sirius knew that he was lying to protect what his parents had really said; they didn’t want their son to be friends with anyone with the last name ‘Black’, which Sirius could respect. He was content with staying anywhere that wasn’t his house.

There was, however, one thing that Sirius was a bit skeptical about was who he would be spending Christmas with instead of his family.

After seeing off James and the other Gryffindors and Sirius returned to the tower, he was painfully reminded that he would be would not be spending his first Christmas at Hogwarts alone. He reached the top of the stairs to see James’ other friend Remus sitting on his bed reading a book.

Sirius hadn’t bothered to hide his dislike of Remus from James. He found him to be too quiet; it gave him the sense that he was planning something, or that he thought he was better than everyone else. Plus, Remus seemed to be better suited to Ravenclaw, and that fact made Sirius a bit wary of him (the extreme hypocrisy of that fact was totally lost on him).

The strangest thing about Remus, however, was his frequent disappearances. Sirius had noticed them early on in the school year, where Remus would be missing from the first year dorm room once a month. Sirius pointed it out to James, but surprisingly he hadn’t noticed, and simply scolded him for being so nosy.

Sirius sighed plopped himself down on his bed dramatically, the sight of his temporary roommate ruining his festive mood.

The sound of Sirius sighing caused Remus to look up from his book over his extremely nerdy rectangular reading glasses. “Hey.” He said quietly. “You’re James’ friend, too! It’s Sirius, right?”

Sirius simply nodded, but Remus wasn’t deterred by his despondence. “It’s good that we know each other. I was worried that I would get stuck with someone I didn’t know.”

Sirius grunted in reply. Remus was already getting on his nerves.

The two of them hardly spoke to each other for the next couple days. Remus tried to make conversation when they sat near each other at meals (the other years refused to sit by the first years), but to no avail.

Sirius would’ve gone all of Christmas without talking to Remus if a dead mouse hadn’t appeared in one of his drawers a week before Christmas.

Sirius screamed shrilly at the sight of the small rodent nestled amongst his socks, and a moment later Remus had bounded up the steps and exclaimed; “Did you hear a girl screaming up here?”

Sirius scowled; “No, that was me you asshole! You put a friken mouse in my sock drawer!”

Remus gazed at the open sock drawer for a couple seconds before explaining; “I did not! Wait a second.” He wandered over to the dresser next to his own bed and rummaged through his sock drawer before pulling out another mouse to match Sirius’, dangling it in front of him by its tail.

“See? I have one, too. It couldn’t have been me!”

Sirius grimaced at the dead animal between Remus’ fingers. “How can you just hold it like that? Aren’t you grossed out or anything?”

Remus gazed at the mouse and shrugged. “Dead animals and blood has never really bothered me.” Sirius added yet another thing to the list of reasons he didn’t like Remus.

“So who did do it, then?” Sirius said annoyedly.

After tossing the mouse out of the window Remus sat on his bed introspectively. “I dunno. Do you think it could’ve been one of the older years?” Sirius shook his head as he sat on his own bed. “Yeah, but why would they? They don’t even know our names.” After a couple more seconds of consideration, Sirius had a brainstorm.

“The Slytherins!” He exclaimed. Remus raised his eyebrows, apparently waiting for Sirius to elaborate.

            “One of the girls Slytherins keeps mice!” he explained. Remus’ face lit up with understanding. “Plus” He said “Everyone knows that Gryffindors and Slytherins have a long standing rivalry.” Sirius nodded at this explanation

Unlike the Gryffindors, as many as twenty of the Slytherin first-years had decided to stay at Hogwarts over Christmas, most likely for similar reasons to Sirius (in fact, he shared family members with at least five of them).

They wondered how they might’ve gotten in, and agreed that they probably been helped by one of their lazy or mean-spirited older classmates.

After Sirius’ realization, however, the two boys seemed at a loss for what to do next. “Um.” Said Sirius. “I guess… should we try and get back at them?”

Remus nodded wildly. “That’s a great idea!”

The rest of the day the two of them stayed up in the first year bedroom, brainstorming ways to settle the score. Eventually they settled on letting loose some snakes into the Slytherin common room.

“Because they’re the Slytherin mascot.” Remus explained. “Plus, snakes eat mice, so it’s poetic.” Sirius couldn’t have thought of a better revenge.

If you had asked Sirius what he thought of Remus at this point, he wouldn’t have admitted that his opinion had changed, but it had. He had begun to warm up to him at least a little, and had started to see where the boy’s bookishness could come in handy.

They acquired some harmless snakes from the greenhouses, and the next day they were ecstatic to see a couple Slytherins limping as they came into breakfast, as if suffering from multiple snake bites.

The two Gryffindors wondered why the Slytherins hadn’t turned them in, and later that day they learned why.

When they returned to the common room while the other years where on other parts of the grounds, they discovered that every three minutes like clockwork the fireplace would overflow with magic fire, licking the furniture with harmless flames. While not technically dangerous, the fire was extremely annoying and uncomfortably hot. It took the two first years half an hour to figure out how to disenchant the fireplace.

They knew now that the Slytherins had raised the stakes, so they intended to raise them too. It only took them a couple minutes to come up with revenge this time.

There was an oversize suit of armor outside the entrance to the Slytherin common room, and after some complicated charming done by Remus and some persuasive words from Sirius, the suit of armor agreed to their plan.

And thus the armor would consistently bang on the common room door persistently, and whenever someone would answer or a Slytherin would happen to walk by they would be bombarded with some rather vulgar remarks that Sirius came up with. This time the two Gryffindors were especially happy with their handiwork, and were a bit disappointed when they eventually stopped hearing the yells of the suit of armor when walking through the hallways.

Sirius had finally realized that his initial view of Remus may had been a bit flawed, but he was still a bit wary. The fact that he was so nonchalant about holding animals both dead and alive freaked him out especially (He had picked up and carried the snakes without hesitation and didn’t even notice that one had bitten him until Sirius had pointed it out).

Sirius managed to convince himself that he was simply hanging out with the book worm out of necessity, and that he would ditch him after the other Gryffindors returned.

Remus and Sirius were pretty proud. They suspected that the Slytherins had decided to give up on getting back at them, since they heard nothing from them for a whole day.

It turned out, however, that they were mistaken.

The next night, after returning from dinner, Sirius and Remus walked up to the first year dorms to find that everything, and I mean everything, had been painted a polished and blinding gold. When Sirius first saw it, they couldn’t help but laugh.

Sirius laughed so hard, moreover, that he didn’t even notice thee smell of sulfur until Remus pointed it out to him.

They wandered around the room with their noses plugged for the next couple minutes rummaging through their drawers to confirm that yes, in fact, every item of clothing they owned had also been turned gold.

Remus rubbed his elbow on one of the walls and managed to remove some of the paint, but they soon found that it returned after a couple seconds.

“They went way too far this time.” Stated Sirius as he scowled at a pair of his rotten-egg scented golden underwear. Thus, the two of them spent the whole night thinking up how to get back at the Slytherins in their disgusting smelling dorm room (they wouldn’t figure out how to get the paint to go away until the next afternoon).

That day at breakfast, they approached one of the older Slytherins while still smelling like rotten eggs. They were lucky enough that the Slytherin (whose name was Alaric and was distantly related to Sirius) took pity on his fowl-smelling cousin and agreed to give them a list of passwords into the Slytherin common room.

Remus and Sirius (but mostly Remus) spent an entire day enchanting a Christmas present to release a giant holographic lion that would not attack anyone but would totally ravage the common room. Over the last few days Sirius had learned repeatedly that Remus had mastered spells way above their grade level, and while this was technically good news it did freak him out quite a bit.

On Christmas Eve, they put their plan into action.

While the few students who had stayed in the school were celebrating with an extensive feast, the two Gryffindor first years snuck off to the door to the Slytherin common room.

They paced in front of the door for ten minutes reading off of the list of passwords before finally finding the one that worked, and then they were in.

They spent a couple minutes marveling at the totally new common room, and how much it’s cold and dank atmosphere contrasted from the warm and cozy nature of the Gryffindor common room.

“Geez.” Remus remarked. “I’m glad I wasn’t sorted into Slytherin.”

Sirius’ face reddened and he could tell from his expression that Remus wanted to take it back, but before either of them could say something a female voice came from up the stairs; “Is someone there?”

Sirius looked over to Remus, who in a panic seemed to have frozen in place. There were footsteps coming from upstairs, and soon whoever it was going to be in the room with them. Sirius panicked too and dropped the gift under a sickly green tree before grabbing his companion’s hand and jerking him through the nearest door, which happened to be a coat closet next to the stairs. He didn’t have enough time to shut the door before the girl was in the common space. They could see her standing there looking around through the crack in the door.

Sirius held his finger up to his lips and held his breath. Next to him, Remus eyes were wide as saucers.

The girl, a hulking fourth year, looked around confusedly. She turned all the way around, saw the open door to the coat closet, and reached out to slam it closed. A couple seconds later they heard the common room door open and then shut.

They shared a look, both too scared to speak. Sirius motioned towards the door questioningly and Remus nodded. He watched as Sirius got up and reached towards the door to jiggle the handle...

…and find it to be locked. He communicated this fact to Remus, who looked appalled. He put his face in his hands.

“We are so getting expelled.” He stated, his voice muffled by his hands.

Sirius sat beside his companion. He wanted to comfort him, but he couldn’t deny his sentiment. They were going to get expelled.

They sat in silence for fifteen more minutes before Sirius broke it.

“You’re right y’know.” He said, and Remus looked at him confusedly. Sirius elaborated; “Being in Slytherin does suck. I know, my whole family is Slytherin.”

Remus shook his head pitifully. “I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sure it’s not that bad, there have been plenty of great Slytherins.”

Sirius was dead set on being negative, however; “Yeah, but you’ve never known one personally. Trust me, it sucks. And what’s worse, everyone thinks I should be one, too.”

Remus didn’t reply, and Sirius could only assume that this meant that he agreed.

“I don’t think so.”

Sirius looked up at Remus to see that the skinny boy was staring at him, his expression strangely intense. Sirius asked him to repeat himself, sure that he had been mistaken about what Remus had said.

“I don’t think you should be in Slytherin.” He clarified.

“Yeah, right.”

“It’s true! You make a great Gryffindor! You’ve been really brave tonight. I bet a Slytherin wouldn’t have done what you did.”

Sirius gritted his teeth, focusing on his shoes. “You’re wrong. You don’t even know me that well. I told the hat to sort me into Gryffindor. The moment he heard I was a Black he wanted to put me into Slytherin.”

Sirius hazarded a look at Remus’ to face to see that, surprisingly, his expression was defiant, if a bit offended.

“Yeah, well so did I.” He stated, and Sirius raised his eyebrows.

“I influenced the hat, too. He wanted to put me into Ravenclaw, but I already knew that James was going to be in Gryffindor, and he was the only other first year who had been at all nice to me. So, I told the hat to sort me into it too, and it obliged.”

Sirius didn’t know what to do with this information, although he wasn’t surprised that Remus had almost been a Ravenclaw. He was a bit taken aback that he hadn’t accepted the hat’s first ruling, however.

Sirius smiled at his shoes. “We’re such fakes.” He laughed.

“What?”

“We’re such fakes. James is so clearly a true Gryffindor. We don’t even deserve his friendship.”

Remus was silent for a couple seconds before he laughed, too. “You’re right.” (It wasn’t until later that year that they would both learn that James, too, had convince the sorting hat to choose Gryffindor over its first pick; Hufflepuff).

Once again they sat in increasingly awkward silence before Remus said; “Do you really think I don’t know you?” His tone was slightly hurt.

“Well, no offense, but I’ve really only known you for about a week.” Remus seemed content with this answer, but Sirius kept talking.

“And honestly, I thought you were a little weird at first.”

Remus expression showed that he was struggling to swallow this statement.

“Why?”

“What?”

“Why did you think I was weird? What don’t you like about me?” Remus’ eyes were wide and a little shiny. Sirius felt sorry for saying anything, but he didn’t want to deny Remus’ request.

“Well, you were so quiet, I thought that meant you were stuck up, but now I know that that’s not true.” Sirius had begun to feel even closer to Remus, and at that point he might’ve even called him his friend.

“What else?”

“You knew such advanced spells, which kind of freaked me out, and you’re so unafraid of animals. I mean, you didn’t even notice when that snake bit you!”

Remus nodded soberly, as if he was offended but wasn’t going to deny any of what Sirius had said. “Anything else?” He asked icily. Remus’ apparent frustration didn’t ruin Sirius’ momentum, however, and he continued; “And what’s with you always disappearing once a month? Where do you go?”

Suddenly, a dam inside Remus’ seemed to break. He went from furiously biting his lip to beginning to sob, his face dropping into his hands. Through the dark Sirius could see that his whole body was shaking.

Needless to say, Sirius was taken aback. After a couple second of not knowing what to do, he tentatively scooted a bit closer to the other boy, resting his hand on his shoulder.

“I-I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have gone so far. I take it back.”

Remus shook even harder, until Sirius realized that he was nodding. “No, no, you’re right. I am weird, you have every right to think I’m weird.”

Sirius kept his hand on Remus’ shoulder, but otherwise he had no idea how he was supposed to act. He had never seen someone cry so candidly before. In his family you were expected not to cry, and if you did you did it in private and never in front of someone else.

Luckily, or perhaps unluckily, Remus kept talking.

“Sirius.” He said before swallowing and starting again. “Sirius, there’s something I have to tell you.”

Suddenly, Sirius was a bit scared by his tone of voice. “What is it Remus?”

Remus looked right at him. Even in the dark of the coat closet Sirius could tell that his eyes and face were red from crying.

“I’m a werewolf.”

Sirius couldn’t move. He was literally frozen in the spot. He wasn’t scared, he knew that Remus was harmless, but he felt an extremely strong need to comfort him. He wanted to do more than just have his hand on his shoulder.

So, he did the first thing that came to mind and hugged him. After a couple seconds Remus hugged him back.

He stopped shaking and pulled himself out of the hug.

“What are you doing?” He said, like he’d never been hugged before.

Sirius looked at his face, the expression in his eyes needlessly pitiful. “I’m sorry I said what I did about you, Remus. You’re amazing. You deserve to be in Gryffindor more than anyone else.”

Remus furrowed his eyebrows and fell back against the wall of the coat closet.

What happened next was the longest silence of them all. It could’ve been anywhere from ten minutes to an hour, Sirius didn’t know for sure and there was no way to tell.

“How long have you been one?” Sirius worried he was being too probing, but Remus seemed eager to reply. “When I was a little kid. I was turned by Fenrir Greyback himself.” When he said the last part he sounded almost proud.

Sirius raised his eyebrows but didn’t remark on this fact.

“Who here knows?”

“Not many people.” Remus replied, his voice getting progressively more confident. “A couple teachers, and Dumbledore. He’s the one who got me accepted into Hogwarts in the first place, otherwise they wouldn’t have let me. They didn’t want a werewolf to go to school with other kids, for obvious reasons.” He thought for a second, and then laughed; “Oh, and James. He figured it out right away.”

Sirius proceeded to question Remus about all the aspects of being a werewolf. Where Sirius thought Remus would be hesitant to reveal his secrets he was actually happy to share. He seemed relieved just to get all of the information off of his chest, and tired of having to ball it all up inside him.

Only once did they stop talking, when they heard the common room door open as the sound of pairs of Slytherin feet on stone floors got progressively louder.

They sat as silently as they could, listening to muffled conversations through the door and hoping they wouldn’t get caught.

Eventually they heard the words; “hey, whose gift is this?” After a series of mumbled ‘I dunno’s there was the sound of ripping paper and then some of the loudest screams that they had ever heard mingled with feline roars. Sirius might’ve even said that getting trapped in the closet had been worth it.

After the sound outside began to die down until it seemed everyone had gone to sleep, they once again remembered where they were and what situation they were in. What was worse, they were beginning to get sleepy, and every couple seconds they had to remind themselves to keep their eyes open.

 

Sirius awoke to the door of the coat closet being swung open. He had fallen asleep with Remus’ head resting on his shoulder, and he quickly jumped to his feet, his heart beating a million times a second. He proceeded to hit his head directly on the bar holding all the coats.

Luckily the person who opened the door wasn’t some Slytherin Prefect but was instead Sirius’ cousin Alaric, who had helped them get there in first place.

“I heard you guys snoring.” He said, his voice monotone. “You were lucky that I was the one who found you, or you guys would be in big trouble. You better get back to Gryffindor, though.”

Sirius simply nodded and shook Remus awake.

It was still pretty early, and the two of them had to run as fast as they could along the most obscure routes in the castle to avoid getting caught. They ran and didn’t stop running until they were under the covers on their beds. Once they returned they were so full of adrenaline that they weren’t even tired anymore.

They simply sat up in each respective beds, staring into the whites of each other’s eyes.

Suddenly, Remus began to giggle, sounding right on the line between normal and insane. “God.” He said, covering his face with his hand; “James is gonna be so angry when he learns that we did that without him.”

After a moment, Sirius went into hysterics, too. They both proceeded to laugh for way longer than was appropriate.


End file.
